The phone kept ringing, while I was slowly getting impatient. But
finally the ring stopped, just in time, and I was greeted by a
familiar voice at the other side. “Rajib” I said in a teary voice.
“I am pregnant” as more tears rushed, I could mutter these words
above the din of the bustling locality under my balcony. Then we two
exchanged some more words before I disconnected the phone. I just
stood at the balcony for some more time, but I was not mentally
I came back inside a little later. I was feeling tired along with a
terrible headache. Still heavily troubled from inside, I decided to
lie down for some time. But as soon as I closed my eyes, the last five
months of my life flashed in my mind. I could still vividly recall
that ill-fated monsoon from five months ago, and the moments which
changed my life forever.
I was in a deep sleep, lost in the wonderful memories of my illicit
but exciting affair with Rajib. Suddenly the doorbell rang out loudly
almost abruptly ending the beautiful moments I was replaying in my
mind. I woke up with a start, my heart pounding heavily with that
sudden intrusion. And when the bell rang out for a second time I got
up and rushed to the door with heaps of expectations.
It was almost 12.30, almost two and half hours since I had told my
lover Rajib about my pregnancy. So it must be Rajib at the door. I
quickly reached the door and then unlocked the latch and opened the
door wide to welcome my lover. But immediately the smile on my face
vanished and I stared wide-eyed at the unexpected visitor at the
“surprise!!!” shouted Sanjay from behind a large bouquet of red
roses. I froze for a moment but then immediately managed to smile back
at my beaming husband. “you are back, so suddenly?” I asked in a
stammering voice. I was expecting my lover Rajib,I was yearning for
his touch.I wanted to spend the afternoon in the warmth of his gentle
touch but instead,my husband was back from work so suddenly.
“I still can’t believe”, said Sanjay, “I am going to be a
father. How could have I left my gorgeous wife alone today” and then
he almost had to force the bunch of flowers in my hand. “see I got
you your favourite flowers”, and then bent forward to peck at my
forehead. I still a little sleepy, and fresh from the memories of my
first meeting with Rajib were not able to comprehend what was going
on. But I adjusted quickly not to let my husband suspect anything.
“these are lovely”, I said by pretending to smell and liking the
bunch of roses Sanjay bought for me. I never liked roses. Roses were
so middle-class. I loved orchids, something which Rajib always bought
for me whenever we were on a date. But for now I pretended to be
overjoyed with the roses my husband had brought for me.
“I knew you would love it” said an immensely happy Sanjay, “now
get ready we will head out for a lunch date”.
I took a deep breath. Perhaps it was better we were away from home in
case Rajib decides to drop by, while in presence of Sanjay. And so I
nodded and said that I will need to take a bath and change. Sanjay
hugged me once again. He was so overjoyed that he didn’t want to let
go of his wife at all.
I quickly took refuge in the bathroom and locked myself away from my
unsuspecting husband. I stood in front of the mirror. ‘how could I?
How could I let this happen?’ – I started sulking myself as fresh
tears started rolling down my cheeks again. But no matter how much I
sulked or cursed that moment, I knew just how much I loved it when it
happened. The memories of the evening came flooding back to me as I
entered inside the shower.The coolness of the running water helped my
tensed body ease a little and I leaned forward against the wall to
relax a bit. The memories from that days were so vivid that I
couldn’t help but remember every minute detail leading up to that
Even the memory of that moment was so powerful that I didn’t
realized when I started cuming again, even after a month since that
day. I was still in the shower and didn’t realize when I had started
fingering myself.My heart beats started quickening as more vivid
memories from that day started coming back to me. I was no longer in
the present. My mind was replaying that day in Digha as if I was
reliving those moments again. Even every part of my body was reacting
to each memory from that day. Just the mere memory of the time spent
with Rajib had given me an amazing orgasm. But at the same time, it
has also brought back the angst for not being cautious.That day in
Digha,it was me who wanted to feel his seeds so I could not accuse
Rajib of being reckless. And it was me who did not take the pills in
time. So I had only myself to blame for the situation.
I quickly cleaned myself, finished bathing, and then went out with my
husband for lunch. While my husband pampered me in whatever ways
possible, my thoughts were still with Rajib. But there was no response
back from Rajib. No matter how many times I looked at my phone
anticipating a call from Rajib, but there was none. And it continued
for next few days. I was unable to contact or get a call back from
Rajib. Finally when it had been a few weeks since my pregnancy was
discovered, and yet there was no news from Rajib,I gave up on him.
It had been more than a month since I had heard back from Rajib.
Though I had given up any hope on him but still I had tried to contact
him almost daily. I felt heartbroken by the way Rajib threw me away
from his life as soon as he heard the news of my pregnancy. But I felt
even more guilty to Sanjay, who was visibly overjoyed with the
prospect of the baby without the knowledge behind my pregnancy. Driven
by my guilt, I wanted to confess, wanted to tell Sanjay that it was
not his child. But common sense prevailed and I decided to keep it a
secret no more what.
Finally 3 months later I had stopped contacting Rajib. I had taken
back to my old life.
I am now the mother of two sons of different fathers. Sanjay had
proved to be a super protective husband, and I had finally started
appreciating my husband. He would not let me alone for a single moment
anymore. And I felt the most loved and precious wife in the world. Yet
whenever a posh car passes from in front of me, my heart skips a beat.
My eyes long for the sight of Rajib, but then again I buries my old
feelings deep inside my heart and hold Sanjay’s hand even more
tightly – reminding myself of my true being.